Monday, 29 June 2009

The New B.F.F.

Below is an account of one of my first evenings out in Toronto after coming home from a two month trip experiencing life as a meditative yogi in India. This is about the new Best Friend Forever in town. Here is the scenario:

It’s an unusually warm evening in May, perhaps about 30 degrees Celsius. I’m sitting on a rooftop patio with about ten of my closest friends, a mix of guys and girls – though predominantly guys – and I’m looking around at a swanky Yorkville crowd, guys fashionably clad in their sleek work attire and girls celebrating the promise of summer in short, flirty dresses. Most are here it seems also celebrating the balmy Thursday night and the proximity of the weekend. So I’m up here really soaking up the fact that I’m finally back in a calm North American city, relaxing with people I have not seen in ages, not being hassled by pesky Indian men trying to sell me their “best quality” scarves, or asking me where I’m from, or calling me “friend”. At this moment I am actually surrounded by my real friends, people I’ve grown up with and who know me in all my various forms and temperaments. Totally comfortable and happy to be back among the familiar, I suddenly look around the table and to my amazement I see something so completely foreign. I witness an alien phenomenon that can be summed up in one haunting word:

BLACKBERRY.

I suddenly feel awkward and unsure of what to say, do, or who to turn to. Within the tight grips of every one of my friends’ hands is a little black piece of plastic seeming to contain their extremely important social worlds and realities. For a moment, picture yourself as a foreigner peering in on this for the first time; ten young adults sitting around a table, faces down, slumped back in their chairs, fingers typing furiously into a little black machine. The machine gets put down and literally 2 seconds later (following the cue of a quick buzz vibration) the machine comes alive and yells to its owner “pick me up. NOW!”. Obediently, the well trained Blackbearer picks it up and begins to type, repeating the same ritual over and over, adding in small bursts of laughter (not shared by anyone else) following an amusing response.

What sort of behaviour is this? As an outsider, one might wonder, could it be business? Could it be messages to other friends who aren’t already at this bar? Could it be messages to people who are in fact here but the Blackbearer can’t be bothered to get up out of his or her chair and go and tell that person whatever it is that they want to tell them. Why shout for a drink when you can take those extra few seconds to exercise your thumb dexterity and text to your buddy: “Rickards White”.

Clearly it’s just too convenient this way.

But it’s not just a matter of physical laziness. It is also seems more convenient then having to figure out something new to talk about with the other people at the table or the person sitting directly across from you. Over the past few years, Blackberries have quickly become the new social security blanket. At that inevitably awkward pause in a conversation, how many times do you now see friends automatically reach for their phone to check the time, urgently check for new messages, or pretend to read new messages while actually just rereading old ones? Here people are just filling the silence with a lowered protected gaze and something else to entertain them instead of accepting the silent moment as it is.

I looked to each of my friends at the same time in hopes of catching someone’s eye but clearly in the space of three months my old fashioned tactic of making eye contact had gone out the window. Then I too felt drawn in. Should I also be reaching into my purse for my 5 year old Samsung – all I can do is call and text – no internet – no fancy applications – cell phone?

I went home that night mildly amused and stunned by this socially detrimental Blackberry epidemic. It probably was this drastic three months ago, even a year ago, but only now after being removed from it I find it so odd. But being the curious anthropologist that I am, it has made me wonder what is at the root of this trend, this need to be connected to some virtual world 24/7, while becoming detached from the present situation. Sociologically speaking, it’s not so much a debate about new technologies being good or bad in themselves, but rather a question of shifts in social comfort levels and customs assisted by these technologies. If there is an excuse to leave a boring conversation, or break a silence, or avoid speaking to someone, it comes in the form of a Blackberry. This little black appliance provides a way out of social awkwardness through instant responses. But the problem is, as the bearer, only those willing to reach you via your mobile device stand a chance, anyone trying to interact in real space and time had better throw in the bags! Even after finally getting the attention of my friends I struggled to survive as every two minutes that irritating new best friend interrupted me!

So what would happen if every single person left their cell phones or blackberries at home for just one evening? What would we notice if we watched our reactions to dead air or being momentarily left alone at a table while our friend went to the washroom? What would we instinctively reach for and if it wasn’t there, what would we substitute it with? Would jealousy arise from seeing others using their Blackberry best friends? My guess is that we may shock ourselves a little more than we think.

I dare you to try ;)

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