A Look at Funemployment

I read an article in the paper the other day, which stared me straight in the face and said “Courtney, this is about you”. It was titled “Unemployed? More like Funemployed: Today's out-of-work twenty and thirty-somethings are enjoying their leisure time with ultimate frisbee and travel over getting in the job hunt”. It also had a picture of a young woman working on her tan. Check, check, check, yes you got me.

But I thought I would try to rectify this misconception that it’s so easy and stressfree not being employed. In fact, for some of us, this state of funemployment is not all that different from having a job. Despite not being on someone’s payroll, some of us are still naturally inclined to carry out research in our everyday lives. I recently went out for a walk with a girlfriend of mine and she pointed this out to me. I had confessed to her that despite being unemployed at the moment, having all the time in the world to do nothing, I was overwhelmed. She asked why and I said I was getting carried away by my own curiosity. I kept coming up with different things to do to occupy my time; it’s as if I was trying to get a PhD in relaxation. My friend, also a fellow academic and curious spirit, nonchalantly told me, well that’s just you, you’re a “researcher” and inquisitive so you’re always looking into something new. For the past month I have researched every possible yoga studio in Toronto, every Buddhist meditation centre, vegetarian restaurant, and countless volunteer opportunities that might suit my interests. This is all mixed in with the fact that I’m trying to find a job, maintain my social network, and spend time with my family. Funemployment is exhausting!

But does it have to be this way? How silly (and spoilt) is it to be stressed over planning my cottage hopping weekends and organizing lunch dates!

For the past four days, I was lucky enough to detach myself from the city and head up north to my cottage to enjoy the long overdue summer weather. Up there, my inner researcher was challenged. Hesitantly, my mind paused. It had no resources to tap into. I had no places to go scope out, no websites to get lost in, and no people to network with. Finally, bliss!

Or boredom?

I have to admit, it took me about a day or two to settle into this new frame of mind. With no NOW magazine to read about this month’s exciting events in the city and gmail to whip up some “know of anyone who might be looking for…” type emails, I had to just settle for my book and sit with nature.

I figured, this constant research quest is like an addiction, though slightly less lethal. As soon as I am tempted with the use of the internet or access to what’s going on, my mind goes into a state of excitement, ecstasy at the possibilities that could unfold when I click on the “search” button. But without these resources I was left hanging, a researcher stranded in a space that could not further my goals. Or could it?

As it turned out, this space gave me a chance to reflect. Something that I did really well on my meditation retreats in India, but the difference was, there I went in with the purpose of reflecting and taking time to question what it was that I wanted. Now, I am unemployed and feel like I need to take action fast. But I’ve had to shift this mentality and see slowing down as very worthwhile for its own sake. Everything I learnt in India came back to me. I wasn’t being stimulated by outside things or given the opportunity to plan next week’s “fun” activities. I just had to enjoy doing “nothing”. This made me realize, even when I’m in the city looking for leisurely things to do, that process can be anxiety provoking and stressful. And it doesn’t have to be that way if I balance it with some isolated “me-time”, not being active (or proactive to be more accurate) but rather, reflective.

So over those days at the cottage, I revelled in my funemployment and I spent my time writing and thinking and feeling. I slowed down and was able to really focus. Clarity was the result; without being clouded by distractions I could start to see what it is that I want to achieve this summer and what my future intentions are. I can’t say that I have found all the answers, but I can say that without this “forced” passive time, I would be completely lost in my excessive research and never come up with my main thesis!

The Man Who Plays with Soldiers

A 60 year old man who plays with miniature soldiers, is he nuts or is he a genius?

Like many people, my neighbour has a hobby that he loves. However, it just so happens that is doesn’t fall into the regular category of leisure activities. Unlike those whose downtime might consist of playing golf, reading, or painting, my neighbour plays with little plastic soldiers. The irony is, he is a professional psychologist. While he has made a career out of counselling others on their mental, emotional, and psychological issues, on the outside what he does seems to be not so rock solid. So having most likely seen some of the craziest of crazies out there, one might wonder, how sane is this guy? Would you want someone who spends his free time locked up in the basement playing with miniature militia and obsessing over his new castles to counsel you on your normalcy?

For the past few years, he has come up to our family cottage to use the grounds as his battlefield. He sets up imaginary wars with forts, tanks, and soldiers. Each summer, inevitably we find at least one wounded soldier lost in battle, and inevitably I have to make up some explanation to friends about why a fake plastic soldier is hanging out in our lawn. But for years I have never really questioned his hobby nor really seen it as something worth my consideration. But for some reason, this summer, sitting at the cottage alone with him for the first time, I am really curious what it’s all about.

So lounging in an inner tube in the pond, I ask him and he casually reveals to me the world of war games and miniature battles. I find out it involves attending conferences that bring together all the other (yes, he’s not the only one) likeminded battle guys to discuss ground tactics and castle engineering design! As he patiently answers my questions and goes deeper into sharing his hobby with me I become enthralled. It’s fascinating! I realize “playing” with these toys involves more than just a hap-hazard placement of plastic pieces, it involves researching and re-enacting historic battles, choosing which commands and orders to use, and working out ways to improvise moves to witness a new outcome. So it definitely does have a side that would satisfy someone’s search for the rational, but more importantly, it taps into a side of him that a lot of us (in our quest to grow up) have lost along the way, his inner child.

After talking to him, I began to reflect on where my inner child is. And what a perfect moment to do so, because sitting around the family cottage immediately takes me back to childhood memories. It connects me to the hours upon hours that I would spend using my imagination to create my own fun. I would amuse myself designing pretend offices in the rock wall that lines our swimming pool, using flat rocks as stationary, skinny rocks as staplers, and so on, stretching my creativity as far as it would go. I would spend days in the pool playing mermaid games and designing treasure hunts, and I too would build imaginary cities and fictional scenarios out of miniature figurines, LEGO blocks, and plastic animal toys. In fact, I think that was the most fun summer activity I ever did! So with such a rich bank of memories like this, why am I so quick to judge what my neighbour is doing?

Having just finished my masters and had some time to travel, I’m actually in a point in my life where I’m actively trying to reconnect with my “inner child”. Having spent so many years in academia and prepping my serious side for the real world, making sure I had a good head on my shoulders, I’ve actually realized that what I miss and long for is my old sense of silliness! A feeling of uninhibited, non-resistant freedom and an openness to do the things that grown ups aren’t supposed to do. I suppose it’s a common identity struggle as a 25 year old, trying to be a grown up, establish my adult persona, become independent, become respected by the adult community, but not lose myself along the way.

So as I sit here, on the first day of summer, lounging on a chair in the front lawn, I’m literally scanning my childhood, remembering what fun I could make out of thin air. I’m looking over at a hammock, behind which used to be a sandbox where I would make elaborate sand forts with just one plastic shovel and bucket. To my right is a slight slope in the ground, which seems trivial now, but as a child is was the best toboganning hill around. I would go up and down hundreds of times before getting bored. The plain grassy lawn which now doesn’t seem to be an obvious source of fun, used to be a breeding ground for exciting activities such as flying a kite, doing cartwheels, playing Frisbee, or making obstacles courses for my dog. In the distance I see “beachy” my secret hideout revolving around a big beach tree that I loved to climb. Each branch had a separate function, one was the outlook spot, another was the swinging branch, and another the lounger. I could continue describing all the different ways I entertained myself as a kid, the creative games I played, but in all honesty it’s a sad kind of nostalgia for what I once was able to do. Why don’t I have the urge to play hide and seek?

However, there is still hope! All of this consideration of childhood and imagination has actually made me aware of others that are also tapping in to it. I recently went on a yoga retreat where I met a very well put together women, quite serious on the outside and solid as a rock in her meditation, but surprisingly she was a huge advocate for colouring books! She claimed that it was her time to just be a kid and colour in pictures of fairies without feeling silly or embarrassed. She loved the use of bright colours, the movement of her arms, and above all, the ability to do something with no specific purpose at all. Upon her advice, I went out to Toys R Us and bought myself a 64 set of Crayola crayons to begin colouring again. Why not? Maybe I’ll even invest in some glitter and make a collection of sparkly masterpieces. If I let myself enjoy it again, then maybe this feeling of seriousness will just seem…silly. Obviously, we have our responsibilities as we grow older, we have the practicalities of dealing with finding a job, finding a partner, paying bills, but we also have a responsibility not to become a dried out cookie cutter mould uninspired individual that only seems to have fun by being entertained by something else, drinking, movie going, etc. Ultimately, we should not forget what we enjoyed as a kid.

So back to my friend, the soldier guy. Is he nuts? Well, I would argue that he is in fact one of the brightest and wisest people I know. I admire him for his ability to just do it, to pick up a hobby that looks a little loony on the outside, but is something that gives him immense joy and above all, gets him lined up with his inner child!

The New B.F.F.

Below is an account of one of my first evenings out in Toronto after coming home from a two month trip experiencing life as a meditative yogi in India. This is about the new Best Friend Forever in town. Here is the scenario:

It’s an unusually warm evening in May, perhaps about 30 degrees Celsius. I’m sitting on a rooftop patio with about ten of my closest friends, a mix of guys and girls – though predominantly guys – and I’m looking around at a swanky Yorkville crowd, guys fashionably clad in their sleek work attire and girls celebrating the promise of summer in short, flirty dresses. Most are here it seems also celebrating the balmy Thursday night and the proximity of the weekend. So I’m up here really soaking up the fact that I’m finally back in a calm North American city, relaxing with people I have not seen in ages, not being hassled by pesky Indian men trying to sell me their “best quality” scarves, or asking me where I’m from, or calling me “friend”. At this moment I am actually surrounded by my real friends, people I’ve grown up with and who know me in all my various forms and temperaments. Totally comfortable and happy to be back among the familiar, I suddenly look around the table and to my amazement I see something so completely foreign. I witness an alien phenomenon that can be summed up in one haunting word:

BLACKBERRY.

I suddenly feel awkward and unsure of what to say, do, or who to turn to. Within the tight grips of every one of my friends’ hands is a little black piece of plastic seeming to contain their extremely important social worlds and realities. For a moment, picture yourself as a foreigner peering in on this for the first time; ten young adults sitting around a table, faces down, slumped back in their chairs, fingers typing furiously into a little black machine. The machine gets put down and literally 2 seconds later (following the cue of a quick buzz vibration) the machine comes alive and yells to its owner “pick me up. NOW!”. Obediently, the well trained Blackbearer picks it up and begins to type, repeating the same ritual over and over, adding in small bursts of laughter (not shared by anyone else) following an amusing response.

What sort of behaviour is this? As an outsider, one might wonder, could it be business? Could it be messages to other friends who aren’t already at this bar? Could it be messages to people who are in fact here but the Blackbearer can’t be bothered to get up out of his or her chair and go and tell that person whatever it is that they want to tell them. Why shout for a drink when you can take those extra few seconds to exercise your thumb dexterity and text to your buddy: “Rickards White”.

Clearly it’s just too convenient this way.

But it’s not just a matter of physical laziness. It is also seems more convenient then having to figure out something new to talk about with the other people at the table or the person sitting directly across from you. Over the past few years, Blackberries have quickly become the new social security blanket. At that inevitably awkward pause in a conversation, how many times do you now see friends automatically reach for their phone to check the time, urgently check for new messages, or pretend to read new messages while actually just rereading old ones? Here people are just filling the silence with a lowered protected gaze and something else to entertain them instead of accepting the silent moment as it is.

I looked to each of my friends at the same time in hopes of catching someone’s eye but clearly in the space of three months my old fashioned tactic of making eye contact had gone out the window. Then I too felt drawn in. Should I also be reaching into my purse for my 5 year old Samsung – all I can do is call and text – no internet – no fancy applications – cell phone?

I went home that night mildly amused and stunned by this socially detrimental Blackberry epidemic. It probably was this drastic three months ago, even a year ago, but only now after being removed from it I find it so odd. But being the curious anthropologist that I am, it has made me wonder what is at the root of this trend, this need to be connected to some virtual world 24/7, while becoming detached from the present situation. Sociologically speaking, it’s not so much a debate about new technologies being good or bad in themselves, but rather a question of shifts in social comfort levels and customs assisted by these technologies. If there is an excuse to leave a boring conversation, or break a silence, or avoid speaking to someone, it comes in the form of a Blackberry. This little black appliance provides a way out of social awkwardness through instant responses. But the problem is, as the bearer, only those willing to reach you via your mobile device stand a chance, anyone trying to interact in real space and time had better throw in the bags! Even after finally getting the attention of my friends I struggled to survive as every two minutes that irritating new best friend interrupted me!

So what would happen if every single person left their cell phones or blackberries at home for just one evening? What would we notice if we watched our reactions to dead air or being momentarily left alone at a table while our friend went to the washroom? What would we instinctively reach for and if it wasn’t there, what would we substitute it with? Would jealousy arise from seeing others using their Blackberry best friends? My guess is that we may shock ourselves a little more than we think.

I dare you to try ;)

With the hope to provoke

Why am I writing this blog, why am I writing at all?

First of all, I don’t know the first thing about blogs. I’ve never read them, and quite honestly I don’t really feel compelled to read many either (at least for the moment). But for some reason the word BLOG keeps tapping me on the shoulder and I’ve decided I shouldn’t ignore the little guy any longer; it’s time to take action!

One of the reasons I have this disinterest in blogging is that I’ve never considered myself a writer, which is quite ironic as my entire academic background is founded upon this most crucial skill. But I never kept a diary as a kid and I never had the inkling to write a story or become an author.

However, that has quickly changed. Since graduating with a Masters degree in anthropology in the fall, I have spent a few months traveling and reflecting. I recently came back from a two month trip to India that turned out to be exactly the kind of spiritual quest that I needed. Through it, I got a wake up call that told me I love asking questions about myself and others and that I love sharing any insights that I gain with the people around me.

So, here goes the start of my sharing. I have no idea where it will go, but I hope it will be at times humourous, thoughtful, contemplative, quirky, and most of all, straight from the heart. I plan to write about whatever comes up in my everyday life, which always holds interesting twists and turns, and hopefully tie it all in to deeper questions we all ask ourselves at one point or another. I’m always on the search for wisdom and see almost every person I meet, conversation I have, or event that happens to me, as some kind of teaching, and this I would like to express with others.

So I hope you enjoy it and if anything I hope that at least one piece that you read will inspire you to think or feel a little differently.