What's your shadow side?

What’s your shadow side?

Can you think of someone who has really gotten under your skin lately and you don’t know why? Someone who has set you off for no logical reason?

Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot about what my emotional triggers are and with who they come out. It all started because I went to a yoga class recently where my teacher talked about a thing called our “shadow side”.

Our shadow side or sides are the deep dark parts of ourselves, which we reject or try to ignore. Some examples might be our inability for self-expression, a lack of confidence, discomfort with our sexuality, a need for control, perfectionism, etc. etc. We judge ourselves for these qualities and deny them these within our identity. When this happens they get taken away from the spotlight of our consciousness.

But what happens when they get put back into the spotlight?

Without knowing it, we come face to face with our shadow sides more often than not because other people are true reflections of them.

What happens when someone who hates the perfectionist within, meets another perfectionist?

What happens when our shadow sides emerge out of the dark in our loved ones, our friends, our coworkers, or strangers? What emotions arise?

I, for example, have noticed that in the past I would get intensely frustrated and annoyed at people who were soft spoken or overly timid. I would look at them, and would feel my anger and irritation rising in my body. I almost couldn’t stand being around them. I didn’t have patience to deal with their shyness. Why couldn’t they just speak up? Why couldn’t they just say what was on their mind? Why didn’t they have the confidence to stand up for themselves?

Well, I now look back and realize, that’s exactly what I was working through at the time. That was my one of my shadows – my hesitation to speak my mind. I rejected the part of me that was trepidatious about being loud and more self-expressive. And so when it was reflected back to me in someone else, I rejected it in them too.

Another thought is that sometimes these are patterns that we learn from our family by osmosis. So when we lash out a parent or sibling (which happens more than any other people we know), perhaps it is because they are doing exactly what we refuse to accept about ourselves. Maybe we see them working too hard to please others and this annoys us. Maybe they don’t speak their mind in an argument, maybe have a strong work ethic and get stressed easily and this triggers us.

Whatever it is, it’s interesting to see what patterns are there, recognize them, and start to wonder, what is my reaction and why am I having it? And what do I want to do about it? Is there an alternative?

We have the power to change those reactions when we realize underneath, it’s just judgment about ourselves. Can we become compassionate toward them and therefore toward our own shadows?

Today, I notice that my shadows have changed, but they are still there and they come up in the workplace, in friendships, and even in intimate relationships.

I guess my resolution is to now come at it with a sense of curiosity and see it as an opportunity to reflect on myself. I’m interested to know, where is this coming from? WHY am I so annoyed at this person? And can I connect it back to something that I am refusing to accept about my current identity?

After all, I’ve gone from a child who was shy, soft spoken, and timid, to someone who is now writing a personal blog and speaking in front of others as a yoga teacher! And most importantly, these quiet qualities in orders no longer trigger me. Hope that’s inspiration enough ☺

Is Halloween about horror or love?

What if we treated every day like Halloween? What if everyday, we were able to enjoy the magic of our imaginations? What if everyday, it didn’t matter that a dancing unicorn could be hugging Lady Gaga in a meat dress?

I just got home from the one of the BEST street parties I have ever been to – the Church Street Block Party – right in the heart of “the village”, downtown Toronto. And I have to say, after spending a couple of hours there, I feel inspired by the love, the fun, and the spirit of thousands of hyped up Halloween hopping Torontonians.

Thousands of strangers all dancing to Rihanna, talking pictures with each other, and smiling at everyone and everything around them. No one was a stranger.

What touched me was how uninhibited we become by the costumes that we wear. I stood there watching people for nearly an hour as they interacted with people they didn’t know. They complimented each other on their outfits, they high fived the weird ones, they posed with the fantastical. Ironically, putting up these costume barriers, actually bring us closer together. No one is an outsider because we are all the same in our ability to let go, be silly, and not take life too seriously, for one night.

Barbie was not holding hands with Ken, she was making out with E.T. Priscilla Queen of the Desert troop to sing with Gene Simmons.

In fact, you would never think that a special occasion such as Halloween, the night when old spirits come back to haunt the living, could actually be a day embodied by tolerance, acceptance, and love.

But that’s what this party was all about. In my mind this celebration, was about diversity. It shone a light on our ability to let down our guards and celebrate among people, who under every day circumstances would probably not have the courage to talk to each other. But somehow, under all that dress we accept that we are all the same and we trust one another.

My friends and I asked a few people “what does Halloween mean to you” – and it was unanimous. The avatar, the mad hatter, and the Crayola man all said “love and fun”.

So if we’re all just dying for love and fun, do we really need costumes to do that?