Yesterday my coworker shared with me a quote about organizational success that got my wheels turning. He said, “If you want to keep great people, don’t rely on the hero.”
What? But heroes help people. Heroes save the day. Don’t they?
Not always. The hero in this instance is not the courageous or gallant figure like in the storybooks. The hero in this instance is someone who has difficulty honouring themselves and their needs. They are always trying to please others and get the job done no matter what the cost. The hero stays at work into the wee hours making everyone else’s jobs easier but their own. The hero is someone whose determination to please their boss or coworkers comes at the expense of their own health and happiness.
So as I thought about this, I realized it rings true in every aspect of our lives, particularly at this time of year.
How often do we find ourselves trying to make others happy during the holidays? How often do we sacrifice our own plans in order to run around and see every possible person that we know? How often do we say yes to parties and celebrations in order to make sure people know we care for them?
But how many people get sick in November and December? How many are completely rundown and exhausted by the New Year?
This is no coincidence.
Holiday heroes are out in full force. I think if there is one time of year when it’s all about “others” and not “us”, it’s now. Sadly we listen less to our own needs because that’s seen as being greedy – and no one can be greedy during the holidays.
I was reflecting on my own “hero-ness”, and for me, what I sacrifice is my rest. I’m already a pretty social person, so when holidays roll around I ramp it up ten fold. I say yes to all the wine and cheeses, all the dinner parties, partly because I want to see everyone, but partly because I want them to know I value them. However, in the past, this has meant almost 30 days straight of being “out”. That’s like, 150 hours a month of being cheery and on your game.
But in fact, being so social over the holidays, is unnatural. According to some eastern philosophies and the Celtic calendar, the months leading up to the Winter Solstice is the prime time to rest, reflect, and introspect.
I believe in western society we have a skewed version of rest. Rest is not for the weak, or so they say. Our society has created some rules around rest. For example, one night a week seems reasonable to stay in and do nothing. One full day a week might seem ok too. But what if we block off two entire weeks in a row from seeing anybody? No evenings out, no socializing with friends or family or loved ones?
Would you see that person as someone taking care of themselves, or would we see them as someone who was being anti-social, depressed, or lazy? What are our rules around rest? What defines too much rest?
More importantly, why do we feel a sense of guilt around pleasing ourselves first? Why can’t we empathize with those who just need to lay low in this busy time, without seeing it as an insult or that that person value us less than the other people on their agenda? Perhaps they are just listening to what their bodies are telling them at that very moment.
So in my opinion, a real holiday hero is someone who is able to rest. They are able to say no without feeling a sense of guilt. They are confident enough to know that not running around finding the "perfect" gift, or hosting the best dinner party, or attending every celebration, will not make them look like scrooge. In contrast, they know what will make them sick and rundown. A hero we should admire is someone who understands and respects their bodies, and knows when and how much to give versus when they just need to stay in with a cup of tea and a movie :)
What kind of hero are you going to be this year?
